The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
