Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
