well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
