Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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