i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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