You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
