I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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