Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
