I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
