I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
