sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
