Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
