Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
