just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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