maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
