Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
