Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
