I heard we made out
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
