Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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