After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize