Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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