please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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