So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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