Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize