Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
