you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
