I should be sponsored by Trojan
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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