remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
