I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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