oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
