When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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