I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
