Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
