so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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