in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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