hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
