i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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