based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
