Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
