If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
