i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
