I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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