i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
