Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
