let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
