I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
