turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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