Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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