I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
