Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
