so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
