been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
