i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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