ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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